What does a couple do when they have waited until later in life to have children and suffer the rude awakening of finding out that they are unable to conceive? When all attempts at infertility treatments have failed (while you continue to grow older –ugh!), do you give up the battle by remaining child-free or do you consider adoption?
Countless couples wrestle with this decision on a daily basis. And it is probably one of the hardest decisions to make because, if you make a mistake, there really is no fixing it ten or twenty years down the road. Adoption programs are becoming increasingly picky. Many place age limits on adoptive parents –especially if you are trying to adopt a healthy newborn or toddler. Thus, even when it comes to adoption, there are man-made (as opposed to biological) deadlines.
I can only wish that people who are currently struggling with this very important issue post a comment on this blog. There are certainly GREAT rewards in having children. They bring joy, keep you young and give you a second chance at having a great parent-child relationship. You get to experience life through their eyes and you are, literally, making an important investment in the future of the world (sorry for getting sappy but it is true.) And there is no greater feeling than having a child wrap her arms around you and tell you that she loves you! It is truly awesome.
On the flip side, it is WORK. It is a tougher job than any 9-5 job I have ever had. It is endless. There are no breaks. The responsibility is continuous and the many things that need to be done on a consistent basis, day-in and day-out, can tire even the most resilient of working people. Now that I have kids, my life is no longer mine. My wants and needs take a back seat to everything that concerns them. I am the principal actor in their movie and never the other way around. And with dad gone everyday working hard to support us, the burden of child-rearing falls mostly on my shoulders.
Do I miss those eleven years of marriage when we were child-free? Absolutely. I often take mental trips to the past to re-live the freedom I had and all the wonder things that I was able to do and accomplish. Would I change my kids for anything in the world? Absolutely not. Am I already planning that mega vacation to Europe sixteen years from now when my youngest will be entering college? Yes. I have been planning it since she was born and have already picked the dates and destinations.
Bottomline, life is short and we don’t have as much time to ruminate about things as we would like. There is no perfect state in either having children or remaining child-free. They both have their ups and downs. It all boils down to attitude. You can truly be happy in either state if you are an optimistic and happy person or you can truly be miserable in either state if you are the type of person who always views the cup half empty.
My best advice is to make an educated decision and just go for it –without ever looking back. For you can truly have a great life either way!
Motherhood Delayed 